Many recent events have reinforced the slightly unreasonable notion, that at this very advanced age, I was expected to conform, not that we have previously been unashamedly non-conformist. Conformity being open to varying interpretations and not straightforward to define in today’s world with many trappings of libertarian principles. Should I conform to being a law-abiding citizen, contingent on the value systems practiced by the societal groups I find myself part of…. family, friends, community, institutions; conform to pre-conceived perceptions formed by the ill-informed, and the well informed…permanently held to ransom. Does this in turn mean no sharing of awkward but needed to be heard opinions, or giving voice to uncomfortable emotions(within reason) like exasperation, impatience, resentment, dissatisfaction, gaiety, or anger, at a risk of isolation, ostracization.

To deny myself the satisfaction, of making as many complaints as required or question judgement calls. To be permanently confined by, “others” need to keep up appearances, maintain hierarchies and be over-sensitive, especially since this is not always mutually reciprocal. Often at a detriment to personal progress, and the forming and learning of new innovative ideas. Where to draw the line between self-preservation and the necessary dismantling of unnecessary pecking orders.

How mind numbingly wearisome, and self-limiting, specially at this advanced age to be duty-bound to conform to half formed views, arising from a place of ignorance, limited exposure to the world, and socio-economic political factors. To be obligated to, compensate for unawareness, under the threat of coercion. Is coercion, bullying withdrawing of benefits, companionship a good enough reason to not call out unreasonable expectations? And what to make of those who are happy to adopt our concepts and ideas, but not us.

The best indulgence to soothe one’s mind after these puzzling thoughts are the delights of gardening, and whilst we are at it, count the number of strawberries and tomatoes.